Learn How To Argue Constructively In A Relationship

By Payo Hernandez

It's well known that it's common for relationships to fail simply because both parties did not understand or had never learned how to argue in a way which wasn't destructive.

There will always be times of disagreement and arguments within a relationship. In fact, psychologists agree that it's an essential process which helps to deepen the relationship as a whole. You must learn however, to always guard and protect your partners self esteem and sense of worth, that's the secret.

All too often when we argue it turns into an exercise of war instead of trying to find a solution. We become engaged in battle and want to be right but often through that perspective we lose sight of the real goal - to find harmony through mutual understanding.

One of the best things you can do for your partner is to be clear about why you are upset. Be exact and give real life examples. Most importantly you must do this without criticizing or threatening your partners sense of worth as a person. If you do not, they will quickly become defensive and work to go against you.

Inside all of us is an ego, it's like an impossible child always wanting its own way. Be aware of this not only in yourself but also in your partner for that is what you are dealing with in arguments.

Realize that you only get what you want - a happy relationship, if both of you are happy! So winning implies that someone wins and someone loses which is hardly going to create a stable relationship. You must be balanced and look at the real possibility that YOU may be wrong, often what we view as 'the truth' depends a great deal upon our own point of view.

Finally if you are wrong then learn how to apologize sincerely. Your partner will surely appreciate this and hopefully follow your example in the future when it's their turn.

Being big enough to apologize if your wrong in an argument is a sign of strength and you'll be amazed at just how much deeper relationships grow when both people are willing to do it. - 31891

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